Love Help

How to Get Back With Your Ex - Fixing an Unwanted Breakup

A bad breakup can rattle your whole world. When your boyfriend or girlfriend ends your relationship, it can seem like everything's crashing down all at once, making you feel empty and hollow inside.

There's always a path back into your ex's arms

From here, you can pick yourself up and move on... or you can try to repair your broken relationship by getting your ex back. Both roads are hard, but only one of them ends in reconciliation.

Are you still in love with your ex? Sometimes relationships end before they're meant to, or before you get the chance to fix what's wrong.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend ended what you believe could still be a great romance, you may be stuck asking yourself the same question all people bring up at one time or another in their lives:

Just how do I get my ex back?

Before you begin working toward reversing your break up, you'll need to first do some damage control. If the breakup has already happened, the actions you've taken immediately afterward can have a direct effect on winning back your ex.

No matter what you did (or didn't do), you'll need to identify and eliminate any behaviors that might ruin your chances of ever dating your ex again. In the effort to fix things quickly, many people fall into the same old bad habits when it comes to handling the days and weeks immediately after getting dumped. The make BIG mistakes that end up costing them.

Putting Yourself On The Side of the Break Up

Your boyfriend or girlfriend ended things for his or her own reasons. Did you fight them on the breakup? Try to convince they that they're wrong, and that the relationship really can work?

Did you tell him how much you love them, or need them, or that you'll try to change for the sake of keeping them? Because if you did, all of these actions will come back to haunt you in your efforts to get back together. You've started off by showing yourself as needy and desperate - and these two behaviors will stick in your ex's mind.

And did you argue with your boyfriend or girlfriend that they're dead wrong about wanting to break up? Now you've aligned yourself against your ex as well. By fighting them on the decision they've made, you're essentially telling your ex that his or her decision's not good enough. This is one last fight between you as a couple, and it's one that you obviously can't win.

But now let's look at the flip side of the coin. Imagine your ex telling you that things just aren't working out, and that the two of you need some time apart... and you nod your head. You tell them you agree, and that you yourself have seen the same problems in the relationship. Picture the look on your lover's face as you kiss them on the cheek, wish them luck, and then walk away unscathed from the breakup.

What's going through your ex's mind right then? TOTAL insecurity. He or she is going to immediately suspect that you've been unhappy for a while, and they'll need to know why. By agreeing with them here, you're actually putting yourself on your ex's side. They have no one to fight, and they have no one to argue with. You've seized control of the situation rather than let your lover take complete power over you by breaking things off all on his or her own.

How do you get an ex back? By doing this and walking away cleanly, without ever looking over your shoulder.

Agreeing With The Break Up After It's Already Happened

Okay... the break up happened already. So what? Think it's too late to let your ex know just how much you agree with his or her decision to part ways? It's certainly not. There are ways you can let your ex know how you're feeling, even if you've already tried to hold the relationship together or made moves to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back.

One of these methods is the post-breakup letter. Write your ex a short note, maybe one to two sentences, telling them "Listen, you were right. Things weren't good between us, and you made the right call. I wish you the best." Don't write anything more, and make sure the note is handwritten for a more personalized effect. Once you send it off, forget about it. Don't call your ex to see if he or she 'got it', or any of that nonsense.

Your next step is easy: no contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend at all.

Creating an Environment Where Your Ex Misses You Again

When asked how do I get my boyfriend or girlfriend back, one of the most common answers is "let them know you're thinking about them". Sure, maybe in the movies. But in the real world? This is absolutely flat dead wrong.

The more your ex believes you're hooked on them, the faster he or she is going to start dating other people. This is because your ex knows where you are, what you're doing, and that he or she can get you back with the snap of two fingers.

Putting yourself back into your boyfriend or girlfriend's head is easier than you think. It requires only a single step: breaking all contact with your ex. The problem is, this is a step people refuse to follow. Instead, they call and text and email their exes to death. And in doing so, they're shooting themselves in the foot.

Know what your ex does whenever you text-message them? They smile. Their friends joke about you calling them, they put their phone back in their pocket, and then they go on with their single life.

Your ex isn't thinking about you when you're always sweating them... in fact, that's when your boyfriend or girlfriend is thinking the least about you. Your ex can't miss you until you go away - learn that one little lesson, and the rest of your reconciliation will fall right into place.

When you haven't called your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she has no clue what you've been up to. When you haven't text-messaged them, your ex will start to wonder why. When he or she gets home at night and there's not a single message from you, your ex will actually start to worry. Maybe you moved on. Maybe you found someone else. After all, there has to be some reason you're not chasing after them.

And as the silence continues? Your ex will need to know why. He or she will start asking about you, and trying to find out whether or not the relationship really is over. But up until you stop contacting your ex? As far as they're concerned, they can get back together with you whenever they want to. Which is exactly why your ex doesn't want to get back together with you right now.

Making your ex miss you is as simple as leaving them completely, utterly, and totally alone. It's tough not to call the person you love, but if you want to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back? You'll have to stay strong enough to make that sacrifice.

Talking To Your Ex on The Phone Again - Contact After The Breakup

How long should you wait before contacting your ex again? Long enough that he or she can't wait to hear from you. Every romance will be different, but in most situations you should let things go completely silent for at least three to four weeks (and in some cases even more).

First contact: make sure you do it right

By the end of that time, getting back in touch with your ex is made easier by the fact that you haven't chased them. You've maintained a high level of respect from your ex, because he or she now knows you're not desperate to get back together. In fact, your ex should be wondering if you even want to get back together with them at all.

Pull off the no-contact rule correctly, and it's more likely than not that your ex will call you. But if he or she doesn't? There are ways of getting back in touch with your ex that don't give up your position or power. Some methods are designed to get your ex to dial your number, and other techniques are made to break the ice by coming up with legitimate reasons for you to call them.

Be sure to learn what these ways are, so you can re-open the lines of communication in a positive way.

And what should you say to your ex on the phone when you want your boyfriend or girlfriend back? Not a whole lot... at first anyway. Re-establishing a connection should include catching up on what each of you have been doing, but at the same time not interrogating your ex or mentioning anything to do with the break up.

The call should also be mega-short, in order to leave your ex-lover wanting more from you. By getting off the phone quickly, you can be assured that he or she will need to call again. And when they do? Tell your ex that you've gotta run, but that maybe you could meet up for lunch or coffee.

Meeting Your Ex For The First Time After The Break Up

Before you jump to to the end question of how do I get my boyfriend or girlfriend back, you'll first need to meet face to face. Setting up the reunion date is one of the last steps along the road to getting back together, but it's also a step you don't want to rush.

Move too fast and you could scare your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend away here, undoing all of the work you've done so far to get your ex back. Say the wrong thing and you could also tip your hand, letting him or her know that you need them just a little bit more than they need you.

Right now your advantage is that you've got your ex interested... and even chasing you too. You need to keep that momentum going by not revealing too much on the reunion date, and by letting your ex do most of the talking.

When it comes to getting back with your boyfriend or girlfriend after a breakup, you won't want to leave anything to chance. If you love your ex and can't stand the thought of losing the relationship, moving forward without a plan is like risking everything on some roll of the dice.

Only by mapping out a step-by-step blueprint for winning your ex back can you greatly boost your chances of dating them again.

Additional Help For Getting Back Together After a Breakup

Below you'll find great articles on advice on how to stop and reverse your breakup, and save an endangered relationship. You'll also read tips and tricks on how to make your ex want you again, even if your breakup happened more than a little while ago.