Infidelity - How to Know If Your Partner is Cheating on You

If there's anything worse than finding out your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has been cheating on you, it's not knowing.

Cheating Signs
Cheating: it always happens behind your back

Getting cheated on sucks. Not realizing you're being cheated on sucks even worse. And while you think you'd pretty much know if an affair was going on behind your back, you're not understanding something very important about human psychology.

When you're in love with someone, you want to believe. You want to trust them, and you're willing to ignore certain signs and signals.

Although you're most likely against cheating to the point where you 'would never stay' with someone who was unfaithful, the overlooking of certain things happens on subconscious levels. You become so accustomed to trusting and loving your boyfriend or girlfriend that you don't even know you're being blind to certain aspects of your relationship.

But eventually, doubt creeps in. Your partner starts acting strange, coming home late, hanging out new places... and suddenly you find yourself questioning the integrity of your own relationship. This is where you look for the signs of a cheater; when it's already too late.

And while some of these signs are more obvious? The biggest signs of cheating can be well hidden. Certain tells can be very hard to pick up, especially if you don't know exactly what to look for.

If your relationship is stuck in a place where you're not sure your partner is being faithful, finding out the truth becomes top priority. You can't eat, you can't sleep, and you certainly can't move forward until you've found out where you stand in regards to your lover's priorities and interests.

First Signs That Your Lover Is Cheating

By far, the hardest time to spot cheating is when it first starts to happen. You'd think this would be the easiest time to notice sudden changes in your partner's behavior or schedule, but understand that this is also the time when he or she is being most careful.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend will always be very guarded when they first start an affair. A husband or wife will go out of their way to keep the affair as hidden as possible, making sure to steer clear of local areas or places where they can be seen with someone else.

Personality-wise, you're less likely to notice the cheating because your partner will actually start being nicer to you. Some of it may be misrepresented guilt, but most of it is aimed at appeasing you to the point where you're pleasantly distracted. And on top of that? Your lover is happy. He or she has an exciting new thing going on, and that happiness spills over into their life with you.

Later on during the affair, bitterness and resentment may set in. Your partner will be short and sarcastic, and will pick fights to get out of being with you. But right now, in the beginning? They'll work toward placating you, and keeping you content while they explore their new secret relationship.

Signs That Your Lover is Being Unfaithful: Lack of Time at Home

If your partner is cheating on you, he or she will start to spend an increasing amount of time away from you, your house, or even their own job. This is because they're looking to spend more time with their new lover, and finding that time while maintaining another relationship can be very difficult.

Lover is Cheating
A disappearing lover might also be a cheating one

The biggest thing to look for? Work habits. If your boyfriend or girlfriend starts working odd hours, going in early or staying late? There's a good chance they're not spending all of that time at the workplace. In reality, they're meeting up with their lover before or after work, and pinning the extra time on their job.

The same goes for weekends or days off. If your partner starts going in on days they don't normally work, it could be they're not going into work at all. People having an affair will always use work as an excuse to get away from their partners or spouses; it's a convenient lie that gets them out of the house for hours at a clip, without much possibility of being interrupted.

It's easy to check up on your partner by calling them at their job, or even just showing up to bring them lunch on their lunchbreak. Just be sure you have a reason for not contacting them through normal means (i.e. cellphone) - you don't want to arouse suspicion until you're sure there's something going on.

Beyond work, your partner might use friends as an excuse to cover up an indiscretion, but only if they've involved that friend by letting them in on the cheating. Otherwise it's way too easy to get caught, as you can always check with your partner's friend about whether or not they were together in the first place.

Physical Signs of Cheating: Evidence of the Affair

As the cheating goes on, your partner may get more and more laid back and relaxed in hiding things from you. It's basic human nature: the longer they're getting away with something, the more careless people tend to become.

This is where you can spot some definitive signals, and even pick up physical evidence of cheating that your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend has unknowingly left behind.

Cheating in your own home or apartment is rare, but there's a chance it could happen. If your partner is bringing their lover back to the home in secret, there may be signs of them being together right there in your own bedroom. There are ways of checking for this evidence that you can do yourself, using the same exact techniques that private investigators use.

Also look for excessive laundry, or for your partner to change clothes in the middle of the day. Cheating usually requires cleanup; a husband or wife who's cheating on you will take twice as many showers, take them at odd hours of the day, and might take them immediately upon getting home from 'work' or 'seeing friends'. Look for these unusual and suspicious signs, as your lover is probably cleaning up for a very good reason.

Checking Cellphone Calls and Text-Messages for Signs of Cheating

One of the easiest ways to spot a cheating lover is to examine their methods of contact. Whoever it is your partner might be cheating with, there will always be evidence left behind in the way of communication, either by phone calls, texts, voicemails, or emailing each other back and forth.

Check Phone for Cheating

If you're married or living together, you might already share access to a computer. By checking browser history and email sent folders, you can get a pretty good glimpse into how your partner is spending their computer time.

Catching your lover using his or her phone to hook up with somebody else is even easier. The sheer numbers of text-messages people leave these days is staggering. Your boyfriend or girlfriend can't possibly have deleted them all... but even if they did, there are ways of undeleting those texts and finding out what they say.

Keep in mind that if your lover is not cheating, what you're doing is a pretty big invasion of privacy. This is why you should always look for other signs of infidelity as well, and not jump the gun based upon 'gut feeling' or lack of any sort of evidence.

Strange Cell Phone Numbers on Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend's Phone

Lots of people use cell phones these days, so it's nothing too out of the ordinary if a strange number or two shows up on your partner's phone once in a while. These might be friends, contacts, co-workers, or just about anyone... so don't jump the gun and start a face-to-face blowout over an unrecognizable number.

But if the same number keeps showing up again and again, especially in the missed calls (which your partner may have failed to delete)? Learn how to do a reverse cellphone lookup to gain peace of mind before incorrectly confronting your spouse or lover. Not only is it 100% anonymous, but it can help avoid fighting by silently putting unwarranted fears to bed.

Facebook Cheating: More Than 'Friendly' Social Networking

Maybe you wouldn't be shocked to know that a HUGE chunk of today's reported cheating originates from social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace. As more and more people seem to find each other on these sites, old flames are rekindled and old sparks are brought nostalgically together again.

Facebook Cheating
Facebook: responsible for more hookups
and rekindled flames than all bars combined

Everyone has past relationships, old girlfriends, ex boyfriends, and first loves that they so fondly remember. In the past these people would stay in the past: as life goes on they become nothing more than distant high-school memories.

But now, with the advent of Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIN, and all these other social networking sites? Suddenly it becomes easier than ever to find people you never thought you'd see or hear from again. And even if you're not looking? It becomes easier and easier for these people to find YOU.

This makes having a rekindled affair a whole hell of a lot more likely than it used to be. Many a husband or wife has already found themselves on the receiving end of a separation or divorce simply because their partner got back in touch with an old high school flame, exboyfriend, or exgirlfriend.

So while Facebook is a great tool for keeping connected with friends and family, it's also a vehicle that can be used to easily spark up an affair. Starting out as friends doesn't guarantee a strictly platonic relationship either; your boyfriend or girlfriend can easily meet someone who's looking for the same types of attention that they are.

How to Catch a Cheating Spouse

Keep an eye out, and take note if your partner is spending an abnormal amount of time Facebooking or updating their Facebook status. It may be because they're being shown interest (or showing interest) in someone they once dated or hooked up with in the past. And in the case of strangers? Someone your lover became 'friends' with may now have pushed that friendship past the computer, to the point of physically meeting and into the realm of cheating or being unfaithful.

Getting Past Cheating - Forgiving and Forgetting

There are a lot of relationships that end due to cheating, as one person simply can't get over what happened. At the same time however, some couples stick it out - they try to work past the infidelity and start over again, usually with a clean slate.

Getting that slate clean is the tough part. Envisioning your partner with their arms wrapped around someone else is hard to forget. Even so, it all comes down to how much you love your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. Factors include how sorry they are for cheating, and whether or not you believe and trust them when they tell you it will never happen again.

And if you're the one who did the cheating? Things can be even tougher. Getting your lover to forgive your past indiscretions might seem possible at first, but as time goes on you could easily be punished over and over again for the sins of the past.

Starting fresh is vital. If you decide to stay together after one or both of you have had an affair, make sure it's a team effort. As a couple, you need to stand strong and build a solid new relationship based on the present and future. The past should be left in the past, otherwise cracks will form in the foundation of your budding new romance and it will crumble at the first sign of stress.

If you're trying to rebuild, heck out T.W. Jackson's Clean Slate Technique. This will help get you started on the path to being happy again, even if one of you hasn't exactly been faithful in the past.

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1 Comment

kelsieyah    said on 09-13-2011

he doesn't let me see his phone and keeps it locked but he says it's because it keeps making calls accidentally. is he making excuses? i don't want to see his phone really but i'm suspicious.

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