When Is it Okay to Call Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend?

What's the best way to get back an ex boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you play it cool, and lay low? Or are there times when it's okay to call your ex, and re-open the lines of communication again?

Seeing Your Ex
Should you call your ex? If so, when?

A breakup often feels like a devastating loss. In the blink of an eye you go from a loving relationship to a completely different situation, where you feel a total lack of control over what happens next.

If you've made the decision to try and get back with your ex, you've got just as good a shot at reversing your breakup as everyone else. Millions of couples get back together each and every day, and if you're willing to make the right moves, you could easily be one of them.

Making the wrong moves however, can destroy any possible future between you and your ex. For this reason alone, you need to learn as much as you can about getting your ex back before taking any steps along the path to reconciliation. Like everything else in life, knowledge is power.

And of all the post-breakup questions people have, one is almost the most common: When should you call your ex? And is it even okay to be making this type of contact, or are there ways of getting your ex to actually call YOU?

Opening Moves Immediately After Your Breakup

There are a lot of ways to handle post-breakup contact with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Initially however, you'll want to avoid initiating any kind of communication. Your ex might feel strange or awkward after ending things between you, and they're looking forward to some time alone. This doesn't necessarily mean your ex doesn't still love you, but he or she might be exploring how they feel without you in their life.

For the most part, this can be a very good thing. Your ex will miss you most once you've been out of their life for a while. Without having seen or heard from you at all, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is prone to a lot more loneliness. At the same time, a complete lack of contact will have them wondering where you are, what you're doing, and why you haven't been trying to get them back.

All of these things set the stage for later contact. Instead of asking should you call your ex after they've dumped you, you should first be looking to put yourself into a much better position for when that communication finally happens. First contact with your ex needs to be made at a certain time and place, and not initiated simply because you miss your ex and want them back.

Talking To Your Ex After The Breakup

Eventually, you'll need to re-establish some sort of connection with your ex. There are a lot of schools of thought on how to do this, but in the end, calling your ex on the phone is always better than emailing or trying to text-message them. Any other method of communication - including Facebook or MySpace - just isn't a personal enough way to get back in your ex's mind, while showing up to see an ex out of the clear blue sky can be misconstrued as you trying to stalk them, and should therefore be avoided at all costs.

Obviously, the ideal situation here is to get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to call you. There are some slick ways of doing this, and you should certainly learn them before picking up the phone and dialing them first.

If you do have to call your ex however, you need to know what to say. The following topics are strictly off limits when it comes to first contact with your ex over the phone:

  • Talking about the breakup, in any way, shape, or form.
  • Assigning blame, or pointing fingers toward your ex for ending the relationship.
  • Asking your ex whether or not they've been seeing anyone else.
  • Prying into your ex's social life, which will be construed as jealous investigation.
  • Asking when you and your ex can see each other again; trying to set up a reunion date.

During that first conversation with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you want to ease into things. You'll have a million things you might want to say, but you need to reign yourself in and remain calm, cool, and totally collected. Try to let your ex do most of the talking, and ask how they've been. Talk about non-specific things like work, school, or home, and allow your ex to get comfortable in speaking to you again.

By making this call as non-pressured as possible, you can get your ex to open up a lot more. This will also be a good time for you to determine how your ex feels about you, based upon how much they ask you about your own post-breakup life. An ex who still has feelings for you will be very curious as to where you've been, who you've been hanging out with, and what you've been doing. Be intentionally vague when your ex asks these questions, as you don't want to give them enough information to make them comfortable in continuing the breakup.

Other Things To Do Before and After Calling Your Ex

When it comes to reversing a breakup, the more you know the better off you are. Trying to just pick up your phone and say whatever comes to mind will always end in disaster, especially since you're operating without a step by step plan.

There are optimal times when it's best to call your ex, such as in the late evening as opposed to earlier in the day. There are also moments when your ex will be more open and susceptible to hearing from you, and you need to recognize these times to maximize your chances for successfully winning them back.

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koko    said on 10-20-2011

love cover every mistake

Avory1016    said on 09-21-2011

If you're not gonna call, is texting your ex okay? He said he still wants us to be friends. I feel like not having contact with him at all will only drive us further apart. But I also don't want to bother him. So far he's not dating anyone else from what I can see but I'm worried he'll find another girlfriend if I don't make some kind of move.

Gina    said on 09-13-2011

But it's so hard not to call them! Won't they forget about you if you're not in touch? I feel like if I don't make contact, he'll think I'm not interested.

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